So, I’m driving home in the car, just thinking about all that went on tonight.  I went to a party.  And, Marion never parties, folks.  It was actually a “rave,” but I went, and well, I actually kind of enjoyed myself.  I mean, I came prepared to be Rory Gilmore season one with Into the Wild in my purse [except that I think she had The New Yorker] ready to be extracted at a moments notice.  But I never once thought about that book.  Or anything.  Not school work, not my college-oh-my-god-I’m-not-gonna-get-in stuff.  Nada.  I just danced A LOT.

It felt so good not to care.  I hate to break it to you, but I am NOT a good dancer.  Awkward as all get out.  I have about three moves:  the put-your-arms-kinda-half-bent-above-your-head-and-look-back-and-forth-at-each-armpit, the bouncy-shift-weight-from-foot-to-foot-corresponding-to-the-tempo, and finally the I-have-long-hair-so-I-am-entitled-to-toss-around.  Please note that said moves can be combined.  So, yeah, I am conscious that I probably looked very silly and that when hands were joined only my right one decided to suffer from palmar hyperhidrosis.  What was different was that I didn’t care.  I just went with it.

Tonight could definitely be that moment where I look back years later and say, “Well, I got my high school experience.”  In fact, I want to look back on tonight as that.  Honestly, this was the first time I felt connected to people at school.  The first time I felt like more than one person in my town gave a damn about me.  The first time I let YouTube me and me me converge.  I’m not going to say it was the happiest I’ve ever been, but with my town life, yeah.

And driving home, I’m thinking about all this.  And then “Why Does It Always Rain on Me?” comes on my iPod shuffle which sounds like a sad song, but it didn’t make me feel that way. I just start belting it out and pretending I’m Bella, which I haven’t done forever [since post-Breaking Dawn].  And I just start listening to the lyrics and making parallels with my life.

I cant sleep tonight – Okay, not that.  I will be out cold.
I get the strangest feeling you belong – mhm.  Strange, but I felt it.
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen? - random, I am a compulsive lier.  & a geezer
I cant stand myself – on occassion
I’m being held up by invisible men – “Invisible” I take to mean not real.  At one time, Edward.  Others shan’t be mentioned.

Oh, and one more thing.  I almost made it through the night without getting lost!  Almost.  Made a wrong turn on the way home.  [so close]