Stuff I should document

6 10 2010

Today’s my last day of being 18.  I have a giant essay due the night of my birthday.  We are neglecting this.

So there’s this kid in my film class.  And I say kid and I mean he’s probably a couple years older than me.  And I don’t even think he goes to my university, but he knows the professor or something.  Yeah, it’s weird.  I’m not really sure.  Also, I’m probably going to regret writing this later.  Because what if we become friends, then he’ll inevitably discover my marionhoney empire and thus will come across this.  But oh well.  I haven’t blogged in a while, and I figured what better than for me to give my readers some honeyjuice in exchange for my frequent absences.

Anyway, so this kid.  He had me watch his stuff for him one day while he ran to get coffee.  Insert playful banter.  Then during the screening [in this class, it’s set up as lecture then you watch a movie that reflects what was talked about] I break out my snacks:  banana nicked from the dining hall, chocolate chip cookie.  Suddenly I hear a piece of paper being ripped next to me and I see my buddy writing something down.  He passes the note to me.  I still have this note.  It’s right next to me on my desk.

You had snacks the whole time?  >:/

So what do I do?  Write back of course.

Cookies are a sacred nourishment.  I wasn’t at liberty to share.  Cough twice if you want 2/3 a banana.

Damn, I’m eloquent, n’est pas?  He wrote back “cough cough” and I slipped it to him.

Anyway, the whole thing was just nice, that’s all.  Two weeks ago he told me that he was in debt to me.  The next week he brought me water that I was too shy to ask for and then offered to get me coffee during the five minute break.

Oh, no thanks.  I’m trying to watch my cash.”

“No, no, I’ll pay for it.  I still owe you.”

I protested anyways.

Then this week.  This week, TODAY in fact.  So I’m on my way to class, thought I’d pick up a milkshake to sip on during the screening.  In my purse I also had cookies [again swiped from the dining hall] that I was bringing him.  Just remembered the other one is still in my purse.  Anyway, I get there, sit next to the girls I usually sit with and look over to my left.  There he was.  With coffee.  Two coffees.  He bought me one.  It was so nice.  But at the same time I was cursing my luck because I had been toying with the idea of asking him to get coffee afterwards.  He ended up only staying for the lecture anyway.

I can’t tell if it was just a kind gesture, in return for mine.  Or if… nahhh I’m being a girl and jumping to conclusions.  All the same.

Hm.





Heavy Boots & Hunger Pangs

2 05 2010

So I had planned on coming here today and writing about prom.  And instead I just got really sad all of a sudden.  I haven’t felt this sad in a while.  At least I know where it’s coming from.  Indiscriminate sadness is the worst.  I just feel overwhelmed and scared.  The end is near.  High school is gone, man.  I’m not going back.  I’m done.  I can’t even fail my way back.  Which I suppose is a good thing.

Endings give me heavy boots.  I never quite know what to do with myself.  It’s like some weird limbo phase I’m in.  And my life has gotten so weird — a bug just flew by and now I’m going to be paranoid for the rest of this post — with this boy that has waltzed his way into my existence.  Marion doesn’t do the boy stuff, folks.  Or if she ever did it was all super-internalized and never reciprocated.  But apparently she does the boy stuff now.  And that adds a layer to the weird.

I’m moving to Los Angeles in August.  What the hell.  I can’t reify that as of yet.  I’m going to major in Film Production.  What if I’ve lost my passion and my drive?  What if I see all these bright-eyed kids with passion and drive and I feel inadequate–or comparatively stoic?  What if I hate them all?  What if I feel like the odd one out?  I have severe anxiety about my ability to be happy.  And I’m afraid much of it stems from not knowing what I want.  I just have this terrible mental scenario of me being completely closed off and miserable.  I shouldn’t be this stressed about uni, but I am.  I wish I was excited instead of–dare I say–dreadful.

That’s what bothering me.  And money of course, but I’m lucky enough to have the luxury of blocking that out for the time being.

Remember that time I was going to talk about prom?





Spring Break

29 03 2010

Someone in the comments asked for me to write about this.  I thought that was nice.

My whole town basically clears out for this week off school.  Everything is dead by Saturday.  I’m one of the few people I know who has stayed in town, besides Amanda, but I think she is visiting schools.  Or at least she is tomorrow.

What have I been doing?  Well, Thursday evening I went on a date.  GASP.  Right?  No, seriously.  Gasp.  Because that has never happened before.  Or at least not in the most conventional sense it hasn’t.  And I probably shouldn’t even bring that up because now you’re going to be hoping that I’ll go on to talk about it.  Which I won’t.  Because it was such an intense, crazy ordeal that I haven’t quite been able to go back over it in my own head.  So yep.  That’s how I started break.

Friday I slept most of the day, and then Amanda and I went to the mall.  We had cheese fries and fro-yo, and we played with makeup at Sephora.  And a saleslady at Nordstroms said I was tiny.  So all in all, not a bad day.  Really the rest of my time has been spent reading.  I finished The Hunger Games, that True Blood book that’s been chilling on my iPhone Kindle forever, and now I’m working on Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.  We’ll be reading that in my English class when I get back, but I decided to go ahead and start.  Even I can’t trust myself now that I’m a second semester senior.  Do it while I have the inclination, right?

Plans for the Rest

  • go to the flower shop in town and order the corsage.  Is it a corsage for guys?  Man-sage?  *shrug*
  • make a hair appointment
  • make the invitations for my grad party with Anastasia
  • day trip to Nashville, IN with Amanda
  • organize photos
  • make a college pro/con list