One of those days

17 09 2010

I felt stupidly alone today.  Actually I just woke up this morning in a teeny bit of a funk.  And it wasn’t even because I woke up from a dream about people from my past or being in someplace in my life before college [see how I avoid the word “home” here?  The audience reels.  There must be something wrong with her home life, they cry!].  Usually when my dreams involve that I wake up a little ehh.  But no, I don’t remember quite what of, but I know this dream had to do with my life in California.  I think I was peeved because some conversation with someone was interrupted, and I wanted to know what he was going to say next.

But yes, wake up in a funk.  Stare down at the freshman fifteen.  Sigh.  Under 40 minutes to be at my first class.  Eat a brownie for breakfast. So good.  So bad.  Depressing lunch was depressing.  Only because that particular dining hall is so dreary.  Everyone’s cracking up that it got a B on the health inspection.  And today they only had paper plates and plastic cutlery.  I heard a rumor that their dishwasher was confiscated.

Then I didn’t speak up during class and felt like my professor was eyeing me to do so.  I always think of things after the fact.  Made myself feel better by sharing froyo, but killed it by also getting a raspberry tart afterwards.  And then there was the lecture I should have skipped and feeling like my closet friend here ditched me for dinner. It’s Thursday.  We were supposed to scope out the joint for Green Shirt Guy.  Green Shirt Guy is a project of mine, although it’s still in development.

Brownie, Kudos, cookie, approaching gummies.  I should probably just go to bed.  Don’t get me wrong, I love it here.  Today was just one of those days.  I liked reading this this morning though:

“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place thing or situation-some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake… unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.”

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Swang

3 06 2010

What I'm about to buyHeylo, kiddos!  My mood swings are atrocious.  One moment I’m driving home from the library, wallowing along to some Ingrid Michaelson–the next I am bouncing around my room to blog and pumped to make some clothing purchases online.  I checked out Jumper and House of Flying Daggers as well as a James Dean biography.  Just for some light reading when I get noveled out.  You can call me Hermione.

Today really wasn’t that bad.  Considering how awful yesterday was especially.  Like yesterday I remembered how I don’t actually like summer.  I always think I do and I wait and wait for school to be over.  And then it is.  And then I remember what summer is for me.  Sleeping in, wasting the day.  Usually not leaving my room or getting dressed.  Which generally leads to Marion in a greasified state.  And then I get disgusted with myself, but I have no motivation to make myself presentable–mostly because it would only be for myself.  I get bored quickly as well.  I’m going to try to read and watch movies as much as possible.  & in a week or so I should be working more regularly which will give me something to do as well.  I suppose more than anything I become starved for attention.  It took me about 10 hours into summer to feel pathetically lonely.  Hello, Skype!

But today, really not all that bad.  I got a facial at noon.  Pretty sure that was the second time in my life I have gotten a facial.  It was alright.  I’m not too keen on being alone in a tiny room with someone I just met; I can never get myself to relax.  And I always manage to forget that I was hungry until I’m lying down in this quiet enclosed space.  And then every possible embarrassing noise my stomach can emit reminds me that Poptart was quite a while ago.  And I still have this whitehead on the side of my nose.  I’ve honestly considered piercing it there; it’s the perfect spot.  That’d solve that problem.  Plus, the tiny nose sparkle has always sort of appealed to me.

After that I went shopping at the grocery store with Griffin for our picnic with Amanda.  We got good crusty bread, humus, and muenster cheese for sandwiches and then Turtle break-and-bake cookie dough.  Success!  Oh hey, and we got half a watermelon and a jug of Limeade.  Such a good lunch.